YEWGW

I am all dry. Wrung out and milked off.

Never thought the day would come, but it does. There's not only a table separating us, but now a whole different view. You probably don't remember that I still eat my dinner while reading a book, and I can't probably tolerate your teeth grinding while you sleep. We're different people now, inside, while the outside we look just like the ones we loved so hard and so raw years ago. So much, that sometimes I find myself trying to catch your soft expression, the one you reserve for special tender moments, usually in the car when I am driving, and you were unwinding yourself. I am in the happiest place on earth now with someone else, and I hope you are too, though nothing can ever really replace you+I, I'm hoping for the four of us that this current thing takes on a new level, new definition.

I will always miss you,
your cherry

Friction

I tried not to look at her but she was at the corner of my eyes.

Everybody said that she doesn't hold a candle to me, and I believed it at first, but to be honest I think she was pretty. She was pretty because she was happy, and loved, and in the company of an amazing person. It doesn't matter that her hair's kooky, or that she's short, or that she's not photogenic. It doesn't matter, because while I am here sucking up on the negative vibe of a relationship gone wrong, she was laughing with her head thrown back. The sound of her laughter reached to where I sat, and I realized that it's been a while since I associated myself with it.

I miss your hands running through my hair.

a whenever haiku

where's the envy here?
does it want your lightning wit
or to laugh like her?

Re: Let's Have Six

• 11:20 pm catastrophe: When we met things were in chaos. Sirens blared, but I could only hear them from a distance. I saw you in the car, only your shoes. I'm no hero, but at the moment my heart froze I knew I wanted - needed - to save you. I hope I didn't come off like some cheesy superhero.
• 11:23 pm cookie: Your car. It's a mess of bent metal and debris. People were screaming, I heard firemen shouting. There were all your things strewn inside, with blood. Cookies everywhere, you must have been snacking on them when the accident happened. A cookie sat on your lap, I'm thinking that was about to be inside your mouth.
• 11:24 pm coral: I didn't know how I know, but I knew your lipstick was coral in color. I'm no closet cupcake. They were losing color fast, as fast as the blood coming out from the side of your stomach. I tried lifting metals off you, slowly. Damn you're beautiful.
• 11:30 pm call: Can't do it. I have to call for help. These things too heavy, and I - I was bleeding myself. My car skidded but I crashed to the side. What am I doing here? I started shaking as the firemen rushed to your car, to the side of your door.
• 11:34 pm class: All these lingos. Codewords. 5 firemen around us, one dragged me back to the side. I tried to help, then panicked, then remembered what I learned in the First Aid class that I should give air and room, and I did. When they lifted you out your purple flats fell off your left foot. Jimmy Choo. Does Jimmy Choo do flats? Wait, how do I know these things?
• 11:40 pm chant: They tried to resuscitate you on the stretcher. "We're losing her!" a balding, yellow skinned man yelled out to no one in particular. My head hurts. The chaos turned into a chant - we're losing her we're losing her we're losing her - and I started to spin and black out. I realized that I did not get a chance to find out your name. And it's either you on me who's dying, going to the other side. I hope we both survived, or didn't. Either way, I hope we both will meet again.

Great Food

Llast night the moon was awesome. We did a crazy thing; and took a night bus to the east coast to sample some great food. I love long bus rides. We went to one of the islands and frolicked; took the night boat where we hung out with the boatmen for hours. The kindness of strangers you've never met. In the bus on the way back the moon was the kind of moon you had to share with someone, and I'm glad we had each other. In the island, away from the city, we are not a secret, but a couple who likes good food and the sun. We spoke in kelantanese; mingled with the locals. In only 36 hours, we are back again in the city.

haiku thursday

(selamba tukar hari)

there's dust in my throat
a cat's claws, construction site
no space for love songs

let's have six.

• catastrophe
• cookie
• coral
• call
• class
• chant

what's the letter of the day! giggle.

YEWGW

i kept it all inside like a fermented smoothie. it built tension all the while, waiting to explode. i could feel it at the back of my throat, back of my eyes. it felt like a long lost friend, someone i haven't seen for nearly 2 years, and - scared as i am to admit this - dearly missed.

oh heartache... how nice to see you again old friend.

to the moment after writer's block

How could I forget your steps. Your trail still fresh; clean pieces of paper. They flutter across my window like bats in the night. I feel just as blind. Hands black with ink and flame; I know I have no business with you. But, my word, a clean piece of paper—

Haiku Tuesday:Hit Me and Leave

You scream corrupted
the tangy metallic taste
of your roadkill blood

Inspired by a roadkill on the way back to Subang.

The last thing you want comes in first.

what I wouldn't give, to find a soulmate, someone else to catch this drift.

I remember all the time why I love you. It hits me in the shower, the water like nails piercing through my skin, getting cold on my feet. I taste it in the coffee at 45th and 6th, strong black with no added preservatives. I feel it in the fillings I give to my patients, squirming under the pallid light. Your love envelopes me like the warmth of the midday heat stepping out from the air-conditioned shop. It hugs me like a pair of my favorite jeans. I miss it the moment I feel it.

These things, are worth all the bad days together. All those times we fought and hate, the bitterness inside like pieces of shrapnel. How our tears collide like dams bursting.

bonus haiku

you were on the train
hendrix sweats the radio
but your skin stayed cool


true story.

haiku tuesday #6

you say kindly spare
emotional currency
but this palm's empty

Haiku Tuesday #5: It burnssss

I am your green eyed 

monster; the good mood killer -

your paranoia

In response to today's sudden downfall. 

 

haiku tuesday #5

The power to see
in water again. kicking
so throw me back in

(in which I replace my missing goggles today)